Penis STUCK in vagina! (and introducing: the new G-spot)

An excerpt from “Lessons in Lovemaking: The Novel”  – available on Amazon here.

I made the mistake of telling Bob I was a dildo virgin. He asked me incredulously, “You’ve never had a dildo in you?” Then Bob asked for one to break me in with. He says he needs the dildo to loosen me up— in every sense of the word, “loosen”— otherwise, I would be too tight for sex.

When Bob inserted the dildo and simulated penetrative sex, moving it and out slowly, I was so turned on, my vaginal walls started clenching in arousal. The 7-11 Big Gulp got nothing on my naughty bits the way it swallowed that dildo whole. My walls were all over the dildo like a Stage-5 Clinger. Call my vagina “Spock.” Because it can definitely Kling-on.

That dildo had everything I wanted in a penis: thick girth, six inches long. If blind masseurs give deep-tissue massage, dildos gives the best deep orgasms. But this is all because Bob knew where to hit it deep – at the fornix, just outside the cervix.

I’m telling you, the anterior fornix is the new G-spot. They even named it “fornix” (after “fornication”) because it’s all you need to orgasm. And Bob knows how to work the fornix – he never stabs it, he just caresses it with his penis like, “Sup, darling?” And when he hits it, my whole body arches up like a bridge, you could fit three Norwegian trolls under my curved back.

But when Bob tried to pull out the dildo, his face suddenly turned so white, paler than an albino butt crack in a sunless winter. He panicked and said, “I can’t move it, it’s stuck!” He tried pulling out the dildo like it’s the Excalibur. He withdrew slowly, millimeter by millimeter, but it was too snug in my snatch. Bob said, “Stop doing Kellog’s!” 

My vagina isn’t cereal, though. If you meant the squeezing, it’s called Kegels— not Kellogg’s. So I relaxed my tight walls and eventually the vaginal vice-grip relented.

When it was time for sex, Bob dropped his boxers. Lord, his trouser snake was an anaconda. His manhood was not particularly long, but it was thick like the neck of a fat baby. Bob tried pushing into me, but there was no way it would fit. It’s like putting a conduit pipe through the eye of a needle. I’d need more practice with a dildo before I could fit that monstrosity of a manhood. I didn’t want to get Prolapse of the Pussy from that basilisk of a boner, so that was that. 

I did not want Bob to force it in. There’s nothing more embarrassing than a bloody hot-pocket. I want sex to look like a Zalman King love scene, not a CSI crime scene. So I decided to spare Bob the bloody gore, and do my dildo dilations in my own personal time instead. After all, my pussy deserves her privacy.

SEX RULE #4

If you stay too long too deep, without a doubt-

The vag will squeeze it until you can’t pull out.

To prevent getting your dick stuck, keep it moving in n’ out,

Especially if your manhood is thick and stout.

 

For more Rules of Sex and entertaining sex stories, read “Lessons in Lovemaking” – available on Amazon here.