Oh my God, I have bigger boobs and I didn’t even have a boob job. It’s all because of my new birth control – apparently they give you big bazongas. I’m like two cup sizes bigger. And now that I’m Pam Anderson, I can finally give a proper tit fuck! Yes! Hurray for my hooters.
Having boobs is important to me because once, a guy tried to tit-fuck me and it didn’t work, thanks to my Negative-A cup breasts. That night, my vag was already sensitive, but he still needed to stick it into something to come. I could’ve sucked him off, but I had a sore throat and he didn’t want his dick to catch a cold. He did pitch anal, but I wasn’t having it – I just had a burrito. Nobody does anal after having Mexican, you just don’t.
So he attempts the next best thing: he asks if he can thrust into my ass cheeks. Sure, as long as there’s no surprise buttsex – I’m just not drunk enough for backdoor boinking. So with my permission, he wedges his member between my ass cheeks, smothering his sausage in my buns of steel like a Fourth of July hotdog. Problem was, I just didn’t have enough badonkadonk back there. He probably thought my ass was the size of Kim Kardashian’s. Yeah, I got Kim’s ass – but only her left butt cheek. Half her ass was my entire ass, and it wasn’t enough.
So what’s left to penetrate? No vag, no oral, no anal, no butt cleavage. But wait, I had another cleavage up top: my tits. My breasts were his only hope. Fingers crossed, I’m counting on you, titties! All he needs to do now is thrust into my cleavage.
I push my breasts together for him, but left-tit and right-tit weren’t cooperating – they wouldn’t even touch. I kept pushing my mammaries together, but my tits were as flat as a Caucasian buttock. I pushed and pushed them together, it looked like I was playing accordion with my breasts. Eventually he gives up. I bet he was freaked out by my nipples, staring into his soul like two eyes mocking him for even trying to have sex with a flat chest.
But you know what, I’m not flat anymore. I have boobs that can hug around a dick in an embrace of comfort and warmth. So in those times that my vag or mouth or butt cheeks are indisposed, we have options. Now I can’t wait to make those cleavage hotdogs. Happy 4th of July.
Sex Rule No. 32
Don’t give a tit fuck if you don’t have the breasts for it
If you’re flat-chested, he’s better off sticking it into an armpit
But if you want bigger breasts without surgery, it’s possible
Just go to the doctor and get some birth control
Your cup size will increase, so you’re fuller up top,
And you don’t have to squeeze your boobs in a push-up