Guys have G-spots, too. It’s called the prostate. I asked my FWB “Mr. Planters” if prostates really give the best orgasms. He says, “Sure, if you can find it.” He came close to finding it, but he gets lost in his own ass. The fact that the prostate is elusive challenges me to look for it because I just aspire to be that girl that knows how to give P-spot orgasms. It’s my life goal. But Mr. Planters warns me it’s deep in the anal canal. So what? I’ll wear a glove. “Who are you, Michael Jackson?” said Mr. Planters. “Use a finger cot. They’re condoms for fingers.”
But first, Mr. Planters checks if I got a manicure. Of course, I have oval nails filed into rounded corners – perfect for fingering. So after wearing a finger cot, lubing it up, and massaging his taint so he’s relaxed, I flex my tiniest finger, then I play Pinky Swears with his ass hole. Now to find P-spot.
I feel around for his prostate, but I was as blind as Stevie Wonder in there. “Move past the muscle ring,” he says. But I can’t reach that deep, my pinky’s too short. So I switch to the middle finger – the dirty finger that swears “Up yours!” is literally up a butt right now. I ask if he’s feeling anything. “No! You’re touching the wrong area,” says Mr. Planters, lying on his back. “Fingers face up!” Bless Mr. Planters, my personal Ass Compass, guiding my path.
What am I feeling for, though? “The Walnut!” he says. A what-nut? This is not Whole Foods, I ain’t looking for no damn walnuts in your ass. But that’s what the prostate feels like – a hard lump the size of a nut.
I feel around, but I don’t feel walnuts. Mr. Planters says, “I need to be hard so the prostate’s more pronounced.” So I work that dick like an Atari joystick. When he got hard, I feel something in there. I touch it. Is it working? He says, “No, it just makes me want to pee.” I’m no master at masturbation, but I know once you feel like pissing, you’re onto something. I tap it experimentally and he gasps. I’ve found it! So I tap the hard rubbery spot – my finger went all Fred Astair on that prostate, tap-dancing all over his erotic walnut.
He looked like he was gonna moan in ecstasy, but he says, “My prostate’s no Nintendo DS, why are you tapping! Stroke it.” So I finger it, sliding in and out. Mr. Planters is losing his mind, moaning and bossing me around like a prostate bitch, “Yes! Fuck that dirty walnut!” And I stroked his prostate so much that CSI would find my fingerprints all up in that walnut.
Mr. Planters was grunting from arousal. I know he’s coming hard because he’s screaming like a Linkin Park song. Tickling his ass walnut had him shooting jizz like Silly String out of a spray can. With his demon sex voice, he rasps, “This is the best orgaga-gaah-” He couldn’t even talk, he was choking on his words while he came from a prostate climax. It was nuts.
Sex rule # 30
To give him a prostate orgasm, slide a finger past the ringed muscle
When the prostate’s hard, you’ll feel it deep in his Anal Tunnel.
Like true love, you know you found it when you feel it
Because the prostate’s texture is very different
Stroke it, pull out, but keep it coming
Finger the P-spot to get him jizzing.