Cunnilingus: Where do you lick? How to give oral sex to girls

An excerpt from “Lessons in Lovemaking: The Novel”  – available on Amazon here.

Diego moved his lips over my panties. He parted my lips down there and started flicking his tongue over my petals. But when his reptilian tongue reached the lips of my Nether-lands down there, his Geico iguana technique worked like magic.

Diego’s tongue felt good, except when he seemed lost in my womanhood. His heart may be in the right place, but his tongue was not. I kept wondering, why is he licking below the clitoris and above the vaginal orifice? It makes no sense. He was tonguing that area that’s neither clitoral nor vaginal. Does he even know where the clitoris is?

Diego said, “I’m going to lick all your holes.”

Well, I appreciate your adventure streak, Diego the Explorer, but that area you’re licking is not what you think it is.

Then he sang to the tune of Silk’s Freak Me, “Let me lick you up and down… in all three holes.” 

Diego, I don’t know who’s been teaching you science and anatomy, but I only have two orifices down there.

He said in disbelief, “Why do you have a third hole? You have an extra vagina.”

I grabbed my 10x magnification mirror– the very same one I use to tweeze my Frida Kahlo unibrow– and I held the mirror to my lady bits. And like Count Dracula, I counted my orifices. One, two, three. He was right, I do have three holes.

Diego asked, “If there’s two, where do I put it in?”

I hate to break it to you, but I don’t have two vaginas. I responded, “That other hole is my urethra. That’s where I pee.”

Diego exclaimed, “What? I was licking your piss hole? Girls don’t pee from the vadge?” He ran his hands through his hair and groaned, “Mind-fuck!”

You know what? I agree. Your mind is fucked – where did you even go to school, the Magic School Bus?

Sex Rule Number 2:

A man must know the anatomy of a lady,

Before he could please her intimately.

If you can’t tell clit from vagina, you’re an ignoramus,

Who can’t give proper cunnilingus.

 

Then Diego asked, “Where do I lick now?” 

I told him, “The clitoris.” 

He asked me to navigate him. Wow, this man not only needs a refund from Devry College, he also needs a sex GPS— Gonadal Positioning Search. I told him to look for something that looks like a tonsil, that’s the clitoris.

Diego took so long finding it, one of my pubes turned gray. When he finally found my clit, I felt the stroke of his tongue licking broadly. Sweet Lord, was that tongue rough. It had more traction than a Firestone truck tire.

I examined Diego’s rough tongue and saw it was covered with a white coating like his tongue was wearing a fur coat. His tongue had raised taste buds that felt like goosebumps on my lady bits. Something’s not right.

When people say they like it rough, I don’t think they meant a rough tongue with dinner on it. So I had to put a stop to it. I didn’t want to catch a yeast infection from that furry tongue. Sex Rule Number 3: If you’re going to have sex orally, scrub your tongue with an Oral-B.

 

To be continued in Lessons in Lovemaking, The Novel.

For more Rules of Sex and entertaining sex stories, read “Lessons in Lovemaking” – available on Amazon here.

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5 thoughts on “Cunnilingus: Where do you lick? How to give oral sex to girls

  1. That was hilarious lol hahaaa

  2. TheGirl says:

    Ha ha ha…I had a similar convo with the reporter..but it was less…like that. I was sitting on his lap and gently guided his fingers to my vagina and then the clit. I let him study me and used it as part of foreplay.

  3. […] How to go down on a girl? Where to lick? Where is the clitoris? […]

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